Pain

I hesitate to write about pain, because I don't want it to come across with a pity party sort of tone. With that said, I do believe that I have experienced more pain in the past 4 years than the rest of my life combined. (and I'm no Spring chicken!) I think it was about 4 or 5 years ago that I began to have what is called "trigeminal neuralgia." It is a severe pain in the face. The specific location of my face pain was/is in the lower right side of my face. This is not "take a tylenol" for it type of pain. It is nerve pain. It is the most terrible physical pain I have ever felt. Some people describe it as feeling like fire...I think it feels more like electrical shock. Usually lasting for 60-90 seconds (seems like 10 times as long). Debilitating, walk-away-from-conversation, stop-eating-your-meal, type of pain. Medication and a liquid nutrition product have combined to keep it in check over the last couple of years! I'm incredibly thankful for that...it's truly miraculous. That is the short story (and the story continues).

I have been separated from my wife for about two years. No 3rd person involved, but it's still a difficult and painful season. The most emotionally painful season of my entire life. We've decided to not go into the details with people (other than with the close circle of counselor/mentor friends that both my wife and I have...and for whom we are extremely thankful). My wife and I still have a mutual respect for each other. But...we are separated. That is painful.

So...I have experienced both physical and emotional pain to a deep degree in recent times. I do believe that these times of crisis have helped me learned much about myself, and that is helpful. I know that God is still God, and that He still loves me. I think I'm experiencing His love in a more profound way, in the midst of this pain.

Several years ago...I would become aware of some difficult times that another person was going through, and I would think, "Wow, I've never really had a really bad trial or season of crisis in my life. What would that be like if I had to deal with pain and suffering? Well...now I know. It has not been fun at all. Gut-wrenching, soul-searching, and heart-exhausting. But I have peace and comfort in knowing God, and that He is in the business of bringing wholeness to broken people like me.

Pain. It's terrible...and yet it is a great learning opportunity.